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September 15, 2019

10 Worst song lyrics ever


It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines… (sorry Dickens) The best songs are
those that win music reviews and have lyrics that move us, bring us joy and transform us. The worst songs could not win any music have tunes that annoy or lyrics that can be puzzling, ridiculous, crude or just make us cringe.

Lyrics have changed through the decades in line with popular culture. In the innocent
50s, song lines were full of doo whop, la la and baby, the 60s started to get a bit
more sophisticated, but then rapidly became the drug fuelled nonsense of the 70s.
The crazy sounds of the 80s gave way to lots of arse waggling, bling and assorted
names for female parts across the 90s and naughties.

Some songs just have a random, illogical line that stands out as unfathomable, silly
or downright stupid. Rhyme is often their downfall, such as
“Song she sang to me, song she brang to me” (Play Me by Neil Diamond).

1. Sometimes the lines are both illogical and repetitious, just ask The Back Eyed Peas
in My Humps:

“What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps (Check it out)”

In others, the whole premise of the song is just wrong, like My Achy Breaky Heart by
Billy Ray Cyrus and no, don’t worry I’m not going to irritate you with the lyrics.

Here are some of the best of the worst, the type that has strangely hit the music news again and again;


2. Shania Twain and Mutt Lange – Honey I’m Home
“My panty line shows / Got a run in my hose / My hair went flat / Man, I hate that”

Wow Shania. Sounds like you’re chatting to your girlfriend on the phone and you
know what, that ain’t the kind of down home, simple-life song we want to hear.
Although obviously some folk liked it as it is her seventh and last number one single
to date on the Billboard country singles chart.

3. Puff Daddy and Mase’s – Can’t Nobody Hold Me Down
“Young, black and famous / With money hangin’ / Out the anus”
The rest of the stream of consciousness lyrics are along a similar and fairly nasty
vein. This was the first single on Sean Combs’ debut album No Way Out in 1997. It
spent six weeks at number one and was also the first chart single for rapper Mase.

4. Written by The Neptunes and recorded by Kelis – Milkshake
“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, / And their like
It’s better than yours, Damn right it’s better than yours,
I can teach you, / But I have to charge”

I love the plain silliness of this song and its associated video clip. It’s catchy, sexy
and ridiculous. It received mixed music reviews in 2003 from ‘brilliant’ to ‘odd’.

5. Written by Jimmy Webb – MacArthur Park
“Someone left the cake out in the rain / I don’t think that I can take it ’cause it took
so long to bake it / And I’ll never have that recipe again… Oh, no!”


This Grammy Award winning glorious song was first recorded by Richard Harris,
made famous by Donna Summer and now revived in Priscilla the Musical. Webb told
interviewers the lyrics were symbolic of an ended love affair. Uh huh, sure, we get
that.

6. Steve Miller Band – The Joker
“Some people call me Maurice / Cause I speak of the pompitous of love”

Now what does that mean? Apparently pompitous or pompatus was a newly coined
term, but for what? This is a self referential song back to previous hits by the Steve
Millar Band as well as other band’s songs. My favourite line is ‘Really love your
peaches/ want to shake your tree’. The song hit number one on the charts when first
released in 1974 and again in 1990 after it featured in an advert.

7. Paul McCartney – Ebony & Ivory
“Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don’t we?
We all know that people are the same wherever we go
There is good and bad in everyone
We learn to live, we learn to give
Each other what we need to survive together alive”

Some song music is wonderful but the lyrics just make you want to throw up, don’t
they? McCartney recorded this gut-wrencher with Stevie Wonder and it went to
number one in the UK and US in 1982. I said the 80s were crazy. It was a tight race
for worst lyrics between this song and The Girl is Mine – a saccharine duet with
Michael Jackson.

8. Carly Simon – You’re So Vain
“You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye / Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte”

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Simon’s biggest hit is ranked 72 in the
Billboard Greatest Songs of All Time and was released in 1972. Although apparently
meant to be a combination of egotistical men, Warren Beatty is pretty sure it is him.
Others implicated by rumour or Simon herself include Nick Nolte, Kris Kristofferson,
Mick Jagger, David Bowie but definitely not her one time husband James Taylor.

9. Benito Benitez, John “Virgo” Garrett III (aliases for German producers Michael
Münzing and Luca Anzilotti), Thea Austin and Durron Butler – Rhythm is a Dancer

“I’m as serious as cancer when I say rhythm is a dancer”

Produced by Snap and released in 1992, I wonder which of these five writers take
credit for this gem of a line? It was a huge hit topping the charts in several countries
including the UK.

10. Mark Chapman, Nicky Chinn/ Toni Basil – Mickey
“So come on and give it to me anyway you can / Anyway you want to do it, I’ll take it
like a man / But please baby, please don’t leave me in this jam Mickey
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine / You’re so fine, you blow my mind, hey Mickey, hey
Mickey”

This song released by Toni Basil is a cover of Racey’s 1979 hit Kitty, written by
Chapman and Chinn and is dangerously in Achy Breaky Heart territory. Just plain
awful and wildly successful in the first days of MTV. Hey Toni – please put down
those pom poms and stop already.

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