We all have a celebrity that we know if we met, we would be sure to be best friends with. Whether you see yourself practicing kabbalah with Madonna, rocking with Ozzy or snorting coke with Lohan, you know those shared interests and similarities would make for an unbreakable bond. Well think again. The most important thing to remember when it comes to celebrities is that they are NOT like us. They are a self-obsessed egotistical version of Joe Public – without exception.
Take Cheryl Cole for example. What comes across as an innocent, girl-next-door persona on TV is something entirely different in real life. For those of you who didn’t see Cheryl demanding ex Ashley clean up the dog’s dirt in a documentary filmed during their marital ‘bliss’ – it was bossy rather than beauty that sprang to mind. Perhaps Ashley was seeking masculine dominance in that skanky hairdresser; we can’t imagine Cheryl letting him vomit before crawling back on top of her. And not to forget, the nation’s sweetheart did in fact knock seven bells out of a toilet attendant not so long ago. You can take the girl out Newcastle …
Cheryl is the prime example of a wolf dressed in lamb’s clothing, but there are many other celebs you should be wary of should the opportunity of best friendship ever arise.
2. Justin Bieber: Teen ‘heart-throb’ once told a member of backstage staff ‘never to f***ing touch him again’ after he attempted to guide Bieb to the stage. Teenage mood swings are a real possibility.
3. Nicole Richie: WILL play any pornos you may have made in a room full of people at a party. Awkward.
4. Nicole Scherzinger: Renowned for being totally ruthless, bossy and downright rude. Guaranteed to click for the attention of waiters and waitresses. Embarrassing.
5. Liam Gallagher: Refuses to remove his parker coat in the most sophisticated of establishments. Also talks loudly in a disgusting Manc accent and is known to smell of BO. Again, embarrassing.
6. Will.i.am: Has been known to shout ‘dope’ in a torrets-like manner, attracting suspicious looking characters who attempt to purchase cannabis. Possibility of arrest.
7. Chris Brown:Apart from the obvious risk you run of being beaten down (if you’re a woman that is) you will also have to endure constant bragging due to a condition that Chris suffers from, known as ‘little man syndrome’. And you would never be allowed to enter the UK.
8. Sunita– Coronation Street: If self-pity, whining, adultery and ‘seduction’ –vom, aren’t enough to end your friendship with Sunita, the constant pained expression on her face will inevitably lead to you striking it with force. Fear of shame, and again possible arrest.
9. Katherine Jenkins:Katherine is known to invent vicious rumours about her before going on to vehemently deny them via Twitter. Liar, not to be trusted.
10. Christina Aguilera: Will not share any of the following: baked goods, pizzas, burgers, fried chicken, pastries and all other edible goods. Selfish – does not share.